Kramer vs. Kramer is about the relationship that develops between a man, Ted Kramer (Dustin Hoffman), and his son, Billy, when his wife, Joanna (Meryl Streep), leaves them. It is a big struggle for Ted and Billy to abruptly adapt to the new life they are thrust into when she leaves without warning. Ted is not used to being a parent. He has been focused on his career, leaving the housework and child-rearing to Joanna. Over the course of 15 months, we see him struggle to become a parent to Billy, as Billy deals with feelings of abandonment over his mother's sudden departure. Gradually, they develop a new family dynamic, and become very close to each other. Then, without warning, Joanna is back in their lives. She has sought therapy, gotten a good job and a home, and she wants custody back, which leads to a ferocious custody battle.
Tyler didn't like this one, because he felt Dustin Hoffman should have won the case (regardless of the fact that he does get his son in the end, he felt the injustice of the courts strongly). I found it realistic that the courts would award Meryl Streep custody (they do almost always side with the mother -whether this is right or not is not for me to say.), and honorable of her to recognize that her son does belong with his father. Hoffman's character shows a lot of growth, and the movie really evokes a lot of complicated emotions.
To me, it's not clear-cut who should have won custody. A case can be made for both of them.
Yes, Joanna Kramer did abandon her son for 15 months. However, I also recognize that she was deeply depressed, to the point that she didn't feel that she even deserved to be in her son's life. She has gotten psychological help, turned her life around, and realizes that she does deserve to be a mother. She is a good mother, I believe, though we don't see much interaction between her and her son. She loves her son, and he loves her. She could provide him with a happy life.
On the other hand, Billy already has a happy life with his father. Despite pressures from work to send Billy to live with family, he never considers that option, and really works at becoming a better father. He learns to do the shopping, the cooking, the bed time stories, the school drops offs and pick ups, the trips to the park. He talks to his son, and gets to know him like never before. It's charming to see their relationship really blooming from one of, at best, awkwardness, and at worst, borderline animosity, to one of love and affection. Ted really puts in the time and the effort, and it pays off. As Ted says on the stand:
"There's a lot of things I didn't understand, a lot of things I'd do different if I could. Just like I think there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things once they're done can't be undone. My wife, my ex-wife, says that she loves Billy, and I believe she does, but I don't think that's the issue here. If I understand it correctly, what means the most here is what's best for our son. What's best for Billy. My wife used to always say to me: 'Why can't a woman have the same ambitions as a man?' I think you're right. And maybe I've learned that much. But by the same token, I'd like to know, what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know, I've had a lot of time to think about what it is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to do with patience, it has to do with listening to him. It has to do with pretending to listen to him when you can't even listen anymore. It has to do with love, like, like, like she was saying. And I don't know where it's written that it says that a woman has a corner on that market, that, that a man has any less of those emotions than a woman does. Billy has a home with me. I've made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience because I forget that he's a little kid. But I'm there. We get up in the morning and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me and then we go to school. And at night, we have dinner together and we talk then and I read to him. And, and we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable. Joanna, don't do that, please. Don't do it twice to him."
I have to side with Ted, in this case, not because I think he is necessarily the more fit parent, but because of what is best for Billy. Billy's life has already been uprooted enough. He has adjusted. He is happy. He wants to stay with his father, and I truly believe his wishes and needs are first and foremost here. Is is heart-wrenching how sad he is at the prospect of leaving his dad. He cries while asking:
Billy: Who's gonna read me my bedtime stories?
Ted: Mommy will.
Billy: You're not gonna kiss me good night anymore, are you, Dad?
Ted: No, I won't be able to do that. But, you know, I get to visit. It's gonna be ok, really.
Billy: If I don't like it, can I come home?
Ted: What do you mean if you don't like it? You're gonna have a great time with Mommy . Really. She loves you so much.
Billy: Dad? Don't forget, once, if you can just call me up, okay?
Joanna recognizes this. She is not a bad person, by any means. When she realizes that Ted has changed, and that Billy is better off where he is, she ignores the judge's ruling and gives Ted custody:
"I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted and I thought I should have painted clouds downtown because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home. Oh, I love him very much...I'm not gonna take him with me."
Ted also learns to take responsibility for his role in Joanna's departure, while Billy learns to trust his father, after fearing that Ted will leave him like his mother did:
Billy: Daddy?
Ted: Yeah?
Billy: I'm sorry.
Ted: I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late.
Billy: Daddy?
Ted: Now what is it?
Billy: Are you going away?
Ted: No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy.
Billy: That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad?
Ted: Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight.
Billy: Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Ted: See you in the morning light.
Billy: Daddy?
Ted: Yeah?
Billy: I love you.
Ted: I love you too.
Though he fights her tooth and nail for custody of his son, Ted doesn't appear to hold a grudge against Joanna any longer. When his attorney attacks her on the stand, bringing her to tears by telling her that she was a failure at their marriage, Ted mouths "no" to her. At the same time, Joanna apologizes when her attorney accuses Ted of negligence for letting him fall off the jungle gym at the playground. I like that the movie ends with no animosity between the two.
As has probably been made clear through my prior reviews, I enjoy seeing characters experience personal growth in a movie, and this movie had that in abundance. I enjoyed it.
Probably one of my favorite scenes is when Ted loses his job, because he has been devoting too much time to Billy for his supervisor's taste. The trial is coming up in a few days, and he doesn't stand a chance without a job. He tells his lawyer he will have one in 24 hours, and with great tenacity, he sets out and gets one. The love he shows for his son is very moving.
A well acted, and emotional movie.
I really liked your entire review of this movie. Touching. m
ReplyDeleteWell done.
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